Sometimes transformative experiences sneak up and bite you on the butt.
How you deal with the pain and surprise that may show up can mean the difference between growing more and leaving old “stuff” behind, or ignoring the pain again and hoping it won’t come back. If you need to deal with it, it always comes back.
This happened to me recently at Nancy Marmolejo’s “I Heart My Biz” event in Anaheim, CA. I was there to be of support to others as a “Breakthrough Babe.” (If you know Nancy, you’ll know this was a lovingly applied title that even was bestowed on Bob the Teacher.) So, my role was to coach, be of service and (in my thoughts) be above the fray.
I just had to volunteer to go on stage when Therese Skelly, the Queen of Mindset, was speaking. Suddenly, I wasn’t above the fray, I was mired in it. And coming face-to-face with my own s*it. It wasn’t pretty. And to have a breakdown in front of an entire room full of people was incredibly painful. I was vulnerable and emotionally raw. Because of the type of demonstration, she wasn’t able to bring the experience full circle during that session. So, I left the stage embarrassed, feeling that I’d lost all credibility with the people I was there to help.
A younger me would have fled the scene. Every cell in my body screamed to leave the room. As it was, I couldn’t look at anyone as I went back to my seat. I was stunned and the rest of the day is a blur. I just remember feeling very, very tired. But I stayed. I survived. I grew from my discomfort.
Then the most amazing thing happened. Therese approached me later to request that I come BACK on stage during the evening session, so we could complete what we started. I agreed. By the end of the night, my integrity and credibility was restored, and I was transformed. Old stories were finally shed and I had my moxie back. I could breathe again.
Even before that evening session, people approached me, hugged me, thanked me for being a model for them about being vulnerable. After my second session with Therese, they thanked me for showing them how to move through it. I realized that I was a surrogate for many in the room, especially those who would probably never approach the microphone to speak, much less get on stage and bare their soul. My way of being a Breakthough Babe was to demonstrate my own breakthrough. Who would have guessed?
If I had to do it all over again, I’d still volunteer to go up on stage. Because sometimes, the thing we need the most is what pushes us to do the unscripted and unexpected. Being brave hasn’t been my strong suit in the past. Thanks to Therese Skelly, Nancy Marmolejo and every person in the room that day, I wasn’t just brave; I was catapulted toward my future more whole and complete.
It was worth the tears.
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Hey Lisbeth, YOU are the voice for those of us who haven’t figured out how to use ours. It is your ultimate brilliance. You lend your voice to the rest of us when we have no strength to do so ourselves. You do it with your writing, so why not with your voice and a few tears as well. I am honored to be your new friend and am still basking in the glow of your breakthrough. You are an amazing and brave woman. Keep bringing your brilliance! xoxo
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
Carmen, your words deeply touched me. I’m glad I could serve as that for you. I feel so fortunate to have met you – the work you are doing will change the world of teen girls forever.
Twitter: MoonlightMom
says:
Lisbeth – Although I wasn’t at the event, my guess is – you made an everlasting impact on so many people there. To express ourselves from our most vulnerable place takes a lot of courage. And when we speak from this place of vulnerability, the universe moves mountains to open up the doors of transformation and opportunity.
As my 2009 business coach often told me – “There’s always a breakdown before the breakthrough.”
Congratulations on stepping into your truth – and experiencing your breakthrough! May the doors of opportunity continue to fly open!
~ Tina
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
Tina – I’m certain you’re right given the response from people at the event. I didn’t set out to do anything like this, but I’m glad that I could demonstrate how you can move through INTENSE discomfort and come out on the other side a better person. I can tell you though, I would not have been able to do this 10 years ago. Age is a wonderful thing (at least in that respect).
Twitter: JohntheMentor
says:
Wow! Lis, I am so proud of you! You showed great courage and bravery–not in the getting up on the stage, but staying in the room, facing everyone, and then going back up.
I am deeply touched… and so glad you got healing.
Thank you for sharing this.
Hugs,
John
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
John, thank you for your support. I’m so happy you’re part of my life!
Twitter: prophet1958
says:
Lisbeth,
Although I wasn’t there the day you had your “breakdown” and the your “breakthrough,” I was there on the last day of the I Heart My Biz event when everyone shared their “a-ha” moments. You shared yours, and I was inspired beyond measure.
You mention in your post that you’re not normally brave, but bravery doesn’t always mean doing something bold and obvious. Bravery comes in many forms; it’s often the day-to-day experiences of how you show up and how you stand your ground that are the best expression of true bravery.
I truly understand when you talked and wrote about wanting to run out of the room. That this was your usual way of coping with something painful. That’s been my way as well. Sometimes not sharing our vulnerability is another way of “running out of the room.” I’ve been challenged by my sisters in Nancy’s Profitable Essence Mastermind Group (and Nancy herself) to stand my ground; to risk being vulnerable; to do that one thing that is slightly beyond my comfort zone in order to let people know more about who I am.
I did that by going up in front of the IHMB audience and talking about my health issues, and in that moment I felt as raw and vulnerable as I imagine you might have felt during your “breakdown.” But there was a purpose in my being vulnerable, as there was in yours, and it was that vulnerability that connected me to the people in the room.
I applaud you for taking the risk so that others can watch you and risk as well.
Evelyn
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
Evelyn, thank you so much for your thoughtful and heartfelt comments. They mean a lot. And I agree with you – bravery shows up in many ways and not always the ones that are the most obvious.
I applaud you for your bravery and for taking a stand for you. Thank you for being such a grand role model, too.
Twitter: thereseskelly
says:
Lis, there is NOTHING I appreciate more than courageous women who are willing to stand up and be real.
When you own your greatness and speak the truth, you give everyone else permission to do the same.
Bravo!
Lisbeth – so honored to have witnessed your transformation and I think your courage to stay and walk through the uncomfortable sh!t was such a perfect model for so many. Thank you for being willing to show us all how to do it, and be it.
You rock – in so many ways!
With aloha – Catherine
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
How lucky am I to have gotten to meet you in person? Very! You are a special person, Catherine and I love the message you’re bringing to the world. Thank you so much for your support through the process and for your quiet, loving presence.
Twitter: melaniekissell
says:
I would have given my right arm to be in attendance at I Heart My Biz. Knowing Nancy, her events are bound to leave an indelible mark in the hearts and minds of attendees. She’s da bomb! This is the second time I’ve missed it due to (pain in the butt) inescapable obligations at my places of employment. Yuck.
Even though I’m not really sure exactly what your breakthrough entailed, I’m extremely proud of you, nonetheless. “Surrogate” and “role model” are titles I would definitely bestow upon you, Lis. Plus one very special title …
“Friend”.
So glad you had a moving and memorable experience at I Heart My Biz.
A gigantic virtual hug,
Melanie
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
Melanie, NEXT time you’ll be there. I know you’d get so much out of Nancy’s event – and the people! Wow, what an amazing group of (mostly) women and men! I feel so fortunate to have been there. For personal reasons, I didn’t disclose my breakthrough, but suffice it to say, it stems from something old, ugly and untrue about me. It was time to bring them up and let them go. I am honored to be your friend, too, Melanie. I’m so glad we’ve had the chance to connect!
Warmly,
Lis
Twitter: thereseskelly
says:
Lisbeth, wow. What an amazing story, but more importantly, thanks for taking the time to share your journey. You were an inspiration to all of those in the room who may have ever had that ‘imposter syndrome’ or felt like a fraud because their business wasn’t where they wanted it to be.
Thanks for sharing your journey…..
Big hugs and TONS of respect!
Love, Therese
Twitter: lisbethtanz
says:
Therese, I couldn’t have done it without you. Many, many thanks!